Is it Mental Toughness, or Just Plain Mental?

This past weekend's kick in the balls came courtesy of the Providence Cyclocross Festival, rounds 5 and 6 of the Verge Series. Saturday was an incredible Fall day and we were racing on another course laid out by Tom Stevens, who is a genius at course design. I wasn't completely sure that I would be able to race in Providence so I waited until pretty late in the game to register. Unfortunately for me, in the Verge series the staging order goes by top 25 in points then registration order. I know several people that are top 25 in points, some of them on a first name basis, but apparently that doesn't count. So they're staging everybody until finally there's me and one other guy standing there looking at each other when they call up "the rest".. It's going to be a long day.... As I've said before, the start of a cross race is one of the most  important parts of the race. Have a bad start, or end up staging near the end and you are spending a whole lot of time trying to chase a whole lot of people down. For me I guess it's not as significant as it is to others since I spend all my time chasing people down anyways.. And on the bright side, if you're in the back at the start there's nobody left to pass you, right? Last weekend on Day 2 in Gloucester I got an excellent start and was able to ride with a bunch of guys who are typically way stronger than me in the field and gave me a middle of the pack finish which was my best Verge series finish of the year. I celebrated my 42nd place finish out of 80 starters with a 4.4 lb lobster freshly caught off the Fort Stage Park shores.

The race begins and I have a lousy start, again not getting clipped in cleanly. Wtf! I really need to work on that. Once I'm clipped in I bury myself on the sprint, pass about 10 racers and enter the fields. Picking off people, one here, two there, I work my way up until I'm probably ahead of about 20-25 guys by the time we come around on the third lap with three to go. I'm dehydrating badly in the heat and my heart is redlined as usual.. Now a typical cyclocross course is mostly fields, dirt roads, and trails. Then there's some paved sections or gravel sections. 99% of all crashes occur on fairly forgiving grass or dirt sections since it's mostly on some off-camber grassy hill or a slippery chicane that's going to get you. But that's not for me, I prefer laying it down on the tough stuff.. I'm coming hot into a 90 degree corner off of a paved sidewalk onto a dirt section and both wheels just slide right out from under me. I went down hard on my hip and arm and slid to a stop into some fencing. People (maybe 2 of them) are yelling at me, "Get Up! Get Up! Get Up!" but there's a voice in my head saying "Why? I'm about 50 riders back, my hip is on fire, and the next group of riders ahead of me have about 30 seconds on me?" (which is now increasing by the second).. I drag myself off the ground, straighten out my shifter which got bent in the crash, throw my leg over the bike and carry on, much to the delight of the two people who now feel as if they personally willed me on to continue. I don't know, maybe they did. You know how in the movies when something like this happens they might show it in slow motion to add dramatic effect? Well, this was just like that except for two things. First, I was literally moving in slow motion, and second, it was really lacking in dramatic effect. Then something strange happened. My bike started shifting itself.. I thought, "Cool, maybe it will start pedaling itself too". I tried to shift, but I got nothing. The chain kept automatically working it's way down to the hardest gear. So I get to the bottom of a hill, get off the bike to see what's going on and realize my day is over. I lost my rear shifter cable and am stuck in the hardest gear, this is unrideable for the race course I'm on. All the people I worked my ass off to pass are now passing by me. This is very demoralizing. I noticed there was a team tent right off the course where I stopped and there were a couple racers there so I asked them if they had a 5mm wrench. One of them came over with one and we got the shifter cable back on, adjusted the shifting so it was rideable, and off I went.. This is grounds for disqualification but something tells me the officials aren't really paying attention to me at this point. OK, so what exactly am I riding for now? My 3 laps of effort wasted by a nasty crash and mechanical issue and I've just lost at least 4 minutes. What's left today for me? Maybe I can hit a tree or a skunk or something. This is where my unshakeable mental toughness comes in. At this point I figured that I would attempt to finish on the lead lap, only half-heartedly expecting to be able to do so. I've lost too much time, I'm riding alone, and I have half the race to go.. Whatever, I buried myself. I put everything into it and started re-catching riders that I had passed earlier, sprinting past them like they were standing still. 

Chasing so fast here that even the advancements in today's

digital photography can't keep up with me.

I was so dehydrated that I was spitting cotton balls that would just stick to my lips and cheeks. I came around the finish line with 2 laps to go and knew I just had to make one more lap to finish on the lead lap. I can hear the announcers screaming about the fight going on with the leaders.. I end up making it around again with a minute to spare before Bold and Aspholm come across the line 1, 2. I don't let up for the last lap though as I can see a group of riders with about 1 minute on me up ahead.. I catch them just before we get to the finish line and roll across with that group. For the day I ended up over 8:00 minutes off the winning time, 47th out of 71, which to me was astonishing considering the crash and bike issues I had. I still finished ahead of about a third of the field..

After the race I was riding over to the pits to pick up my spare wheels and I was badly in need of some water. There was a 30x20 big top tent setup so I rode into it looking for something to drink. There was a woman who seemed to be in charge of the tent so I rode over to her and asked her if they had any water to spare. I figured that since I had enough cotton on my cheeks to spin a t-shirt she could probably ascertain that I was pretty parched and had just raced so I also probably didn't have my wallet with me. She gave me one of those big phony smiles like you get from a bank manager and informed me that "Sorry, this is the VIP tent.".. I slowly looked around.... The tent was empty except for coolers full of water, beer, soda and two "VIP's" over in the corner of the tent wearing jeans and t-shirts drinking a couple beers. I then turned back to the woman and blazed a hole directly in the center of her forehead with my lazer vision before riding away on my bike.. This would never have happened in Gloucester at the race being run by my club, ECV :)

Day 2: Got up in the morning and my hip, which had a 4x4 patch of road pizza on it, was in quite a bit of pain. So was my shoulder and chest which felt like I must have stretched out some muscles and tendons in the crash. At least I didn't have to deal with fixing my bike in the morning, I spent an hour on that the night before. Thanks to SRAM for designing shifters that require bar tape removal to replace a fk'n shifter cable effectively turning a 5 minute job into a 30 minute job... Anyway, a good breakfast in me, a handful of ibuprofen, and it was back to Providence for day 2 of the festivities. Can't be worse than yesterday, right? I get to the grounds and I'm riding over to the course to get a practice ride in on the course and I notice a woman on her bike with a big hole in her bibs exposing her ass. This was a big hole, probably 3 inches in diameter right over the crack of her butt. Now typically, a hole in a national champion woman's bibs exposing her ass, might be cause for a little excitement by the predominantly male contingent at these races, right? But when it's the Over-65 Women's national champion, not so much. I took a couple warmup laps on the course and then spent some time working on my starts. I knew today I would be at the back of the bus again in staging and I wanted to make sure I at least nailed my start this time. 

When the race started I nailed my start.. I worked my way right up into the middle of the pack. Excellent! Things were going to go much better for me today, I could just feel it. About 1 minute into the first lap, the congested field came into a tight corner with a PVC crossing gate on it which I remembered from my warmup could cause some problems. Don't I get squeezed into the outside of the corner and T-bone the gate? My bike coming to an abrupt halt, I calmly removed the PVC from my handlebars and huck it 15 feet in the opposite direction while the rest of the field rudely race on without me. This effectively negated my great start. I composed myself and sprinted myself back into the mix. My heart was racing like a blender on ice crush for 45 minutes as I turned myself inside out to hang with a group of riders that are usually a minute or two ahead of me in the standings.. At the end of the day I finished 4:57 off the winning time, 41st out of 75 starters, and about 2:00 minutes ahead of guys that I was about even with at the beginning of the season. It was one of my best rides and I'm now able to hang with the middle third of these really strong fields when I'm having a good day. Things are looking up.

It's always imperative to finish in front of the guy in pink

After the race we headed over to Bristol to pick up Michele's son at college and took him to lunch at an oceanside restaurant that was right next to a big top tent where they were holding a wedding reception for an extended family of beached whales who were undoubtedly going to return to sea at the end of the festivities. It was all I could do not to put a stack of my business cards on the tray of bacon wrapped twinkies they had for hors d'hoerves. As they stood around outside sipping champagne, smoking their cigarettes I could hear their arteries slamming shut over the crashing of the ocean waves in the distance. I then listened to my own body, which was buzzing from two days of maximum efforts. It's amazing the peaceful feeling I get after putting absolutely everything I have into these races, regardless of where I place out overall. Crashes, bike problems, mud bogs, inexperience, whatever else may get in the way never really matters. I always leave knowing I did my best and I didn't give up, even when there are times when it doesn't appear to make any sense to continue. Every time I come out I get tested at the highest level. I put myself in incredible pain, I have things happen to me that would make it easy for me to quit, I fight like it's a matter of life and death for 42nd place. Some might call it mental, I call it mental toughness.

He Can't Mean Exercise is Going to Make Me Fat...

There was an article in Time magazine over the Summer titled "Why Exercise Won't Make You Thin". I just recently stumbled upon it and, while my initial reaction was to immediately condemn it, I've decided to look at it with more of an open mind and see if what the author is saying has any merit. The author gives us 4 pages of drivel with lots of references to studies funded by various organizations with agendas as well as a person who is the "chair of health wisdom" at a prominent college, in addition to references to his own workout routine that doesn't produce results. Shocking that he is still admittedly overweight considering the "cardio" day he spends with the elliptical machine and stair climber, I know. His point is this, people that exercise at a level more strenuous than simply walking, will eat more to compensate for the strenuous activity and will spend more of the rest of their time not moving at all. This will counteract their weight loss goals with most people either not losing weight, or even gaining weight.

Remember now, this is me keeping an open mind.. The author is right about one thing, and we see it all the time. You walk into Starbucks and you see the overweight group of people in their workout clothes having obviously just come in from a walk or jog, munching on muffins and scones, drinking those big foamy lattes. Go hike an easily accessible mountain peak (easily accessible means anybody can get up to the top) and watch the mountain buffalo unload their backpacks with packages of cookies and chips, washing it down with 20oz bottles of Gatorade. These are people who are burning maybe a few hundred calories, think they're burning about 100x more than that because they're actually doing something active, and compensate by eating crap because they "deserve it". They take in way more calories than they're burning with the result of either no weight loss or even weight gain.

The author of the piece points out the obvious that strenuous exercise makes you hungry, blames people's self-control (which he compares to a muscle that gets weaker every time you use it) when they eat too much effectively over-compensating for the bout of exercise, and comes to the conclusion that little to no exercise more strenuous than walking or gardening along with not eating extra crap will get you the weight loss you desire. Genius! I would also like to throw out there that if your body's metabolism requires 2000 calories a day to maintain the weight you're at today with your sedentary lifestyle and that you eat nothing but 1500 calories worth of Twinkies every day, you will lose 1lb of fat per week until you die of diabetes, cancer, or heart disease. Whichever one wins the race. Hmmm, maybe I'll write an article for Time regarding the weight loss benefits of the Twinkie diet.

The problem with articles like these is that it gives people yet another excuse not to work out. This article was brought to my attention the other day in a conversation by somebody who said "I haven't been in the gym since I read the Time article that said strenuous exercise is bad for you and makes you gain weight.". Sounds retarded, I know. But for most people, if there's an "out" to having to go work out they're going to latch on to it.

The biggest part of the problem is related to lifestyle. If you want to keep the same type of lifestyle that got you fat, and think that 3 or 4 workouts a week is all that's needed to fix it, you're wrong. It gets even worse when people think the 3 or 4 workouts a week are going to allow them to increase the poor choices they've been making.

Strenuous exercise makes the body strong. It makes the mind strong, it increases your energy levels, it defends the body from heart disease and cancer, it increases your metabolism. It makes everything in your life better. Alternatively, lack of strenuous exercise makes you weak. Why would you want to be weak? But strenuous exercise is only a part of it. The nutrition part is huge and so is the lifestyle. If you have a healthy, active lifestyle, make the right nutrition choices, and exercise hard then it is an absolute guarantee that you will not be fat and weak.

People who write crap like this piece in Time are pandering to the population's never ending search for the easy way out. It sells magazines. Nobody wants to hear that they have to actually work hard to get in shape and stay in shape. Nobody wants to hear they can't eat ice cream, cookies, cake and drink as much wine and beer as they want. So they eat these articles up, they latch onto the bogus message that, "if I just don't exercise too much I'll stop gaining so much friggin weight.". People need to stop looking in magazines to reinforce their lack of self control, willpower, and commitment to an active and healthy lifestyle. If you want to be strong and healthy it takes hard work and self control. Anybody that tells you different is full of shit. There are no shortcuts.

Best,

kevin

Stuck In the Mud

This weekend brought the Verge series of Cyclocross out to Gloucester Ma for the Great Brewers Gran Prix of Gloucester. This is one of the most popular cyclocross races in the country, having been on the National Gran Prix circuit a couple times. It always attracts the top talent in the country and this year was no different. International superstar Jonathan Page was here, Jamey Driscoll, Tim Johnson, Jeremy Powers. Big time racers. In the masters field the top guys are all here, Aspholm, Bold, McCormack decided to join the masters. Guys who would legitimately battle for top 10 positions in the pro field. The race is put on by my team, Essex County Velo, so I was out Friday to help set up the course which was designed this year by Tom Stevens. It was a technical course that was about to absorb 2 inches of driven rain over the course of Saturday's races.

On a day like I had today I don't really even know where to begin. So let's just start with the forecast. Rain, lots of it, and wind, lots of that too. The course is right on the ocean and was getting crushed by 30-40mph winds off the surf. It was a nasty day for racing, but this is part of what makes cyclocross so damn cool. We're out playing in conditions that drive most people to the comfort of the fireplace with a latte and some cookies. I've told you before how badly the masters field crushes me and how hard I'm working towards becoming competitive with them. Today I actually was saying to myself that this weather was going to help me compete. Why? Good question. I figured the weather would kind of even out the playing field, slow everybody down, which would affect the really strong guys more than it would me, because honestly, how much worse could I do? Ummm, let's go to the videotape and see....

Off-camber mud in Gloucester

Let's just start at the staging area. At this point I've been out in the rain for about an hour alternately warming up and freezing my nuts off. I was OK during warmups, but when I stopped I would be instantly frozen from the wind driven rain while wearing nothing but a skinsuit and a light rain coat. So I would try to keep riding my bike to stay warm, but eventually you just have to stop and get to the staging area. I was in the staging area shaking like a chipmunk that just drank a 6 pack of Red Bull. I decided that maybe walking around at 5 or 6% bodyfat isn't such a good idea sometimes.. Like now. The race official starts the countdown... 30 seconds. Everything is quiet, tense.. Except for the incessant chattering of my teeth. 3...2.....1.. The field explodes off the line, all 82 of us.. Well, 81 of us.. I don't know what the hell happened but I missed with my left foot trying to clip into the pedal on the sprint and it took me about 3 times to get in while trying to pedal my way back into the group... "Go on without me boys! I'll be right there!" haha... Shit! I wasn't quite in last place heading into the narrow section of the course, but I was pretty damn close. Now here's the part where the mud was going to slow everybody else down more than me.. Great! One thing I forgot was that I've never actually raced in the mud like this before so I really had zero experience with it. Holy crap, I was screwed. I was all over the place, all over my bike, all over the course. I came around a corner, hit a root, came unclipped on the right side, came down awkwardly on the top tube of the bike almost turning myself into a girl (luckily my new skinsuit was holding everything in high and tight), caught myself before going down in a heap, and made my way like nothing ever happened. Good save. Ok, so maybe the conditions are going to slow me down more than I thought... We got through the first section of field, down a long straight away and into a 45 degree wall of ankle deep mud about 60 feet long that we had to run up carrying the bike. Being the first lap, it was a traffic jam and there was about 40 people on the mud wall at the same time so the run-up was actually a walk/slip/slide up. I got to the top, remounted my bike, slid around a little, took a 180 turn and tried to catch the people in front of me. I looked over my shoulder to see how many people were still coming over the top of the run up and there weren't any. Huh, I already had a gap on some of the field. Nice! Then I looked again, but still nobody. Before I turned into the next section of the course I took one more look and still nobody. I realized I hadn't actually gapped anybody. I was DFL (dead f'n last).. I'd rather have a DNF than a DFL. I looked directly ahead of me and there was a fatass ahead of me. There's one heavy guy in my field and I'm behind him. A thought flitted through my head that maybe I should ride my bike off the seawall and into the ocean next time around and just end it. Ok, so this was the worst start of my life.. On the bright side, there wasn't anybody that was going to pass me. Time to get to work. I passed fatass and three other riders. I came into the next area where we had to dismount and run over barriers and up a hill and I overtook a few more. I was working like crazy trying to manage my bike through all the mud. It was like riding in quicksand. I tasted salt from the ocean being blown across the course by the 40 mph gusts. It was brutal conditions. But I kept my head in it and I kept picking off riders one by one trying to make sure of two things, I finish on the lead lap, and I finish ahead of one particular rider who I'm not going to call out by name here, but let's just say he's a jackass of the highest proportion, has an unlimited amount of excuses why he and his $10,000 bike don't do better at these races, and just walks around at these races like the self-absorbed, pretentious tool that he is. I passed him on the second lap. Riding around the course you get a lot of encouragement from the crowd, especially since this particular race was run by ECV and I was wearing ECV colors.. I hear people yelling, "Go on Kev!", "C'mon ECV", "Go get 'em, Jack!".. Jack is a friend of mine that also rides for ECV and I get mistaken for him regularly. He's about the same height, rides a green bike, and wears the ECV kit. We don't generally ride in the same field but that doesn't deter people from calling me Jack. I have to remember to ask if he ever gets called Kevin. Typically I hear people calling for Jack when I'm about 30 yards from them on the approach and then they realize they have the wrong person as I get closer.. Then they yell "C'mon Ja... Oh.. Let's go ECV!".. Yesterday I was coming into a group of people and this one woman was calling me Jack as I approached... as I was right next to her... and as I made my way by. I was either too caked with mud for her to make a positive ID that I wasn't Jack, or she had spent too much time at the beer tent. Then there's the possibility that, "Lady, you don't know Jack.". On the second to last lap I was coming into the ankle-deep run-up side by side with another racer and there's this woman screaming at the top of her lungs for me to "Gap him! Gap him! GAAAAPPP HIIIIMMMMM!". I felt that if I didn't put some kind of gap into this guy that she was going to do something awful to me so I dug incredibly deep, sprinted up the run-up like the pros, and remounted at the top with an amazing 30 foot gap on the guy. I need to find that woman and see if she can start following me to all my races. On the last lap I passed 8 more, my endurance in these races is good, my starting power blows. That's where I need the most work.

I came across the line on the lead lap. 82 started the race, I finished 63rd. Not bad considering how badly I started. My friends Aaron, Ryan and Jon finished really well with Ryan and Jon both top 20, and Aaron just one spot out of the points. All really strong. I need to train more with these guys.

Aaron picking his line

After a race like this, everything is caked and covered in mud, so now you have to go over to the bike wash area and stand in line to wait for the hose. I thought I was cold before the race started. Now, having overheated for the better part of an hour, and having been standing around again in the wind driven rain for about 20 minutes, I was shivering like that same chipmunk on Red Bull, which has now succumbed to an epileptic seizure. There was a guy, in full rain gear looking really warm, behind me watching the earthquake going on in my body so I stated the obvious, "I'm fuckin freezin".. To which he replied, "My father said all you need to do is picture yourself some place warm like Hawaii". I've never been to Hawaii so I fondly thought of Hell and it's eternal flames gently caressing my body. This didn't make me any warmer. Nice try though.

Another tough race for me but I'm determined to get stronger. I decided I'm hiring a coach next year. Not sure who yet, but I'm looking at a couple guys. Roger Aspholm is one of them. By sheer coincidence, I ended up parked right next to Roger and we were both getting ready at the same time before the race so I went over and introduced myself. The first thing that strikes you about Roger is how lifelike he appears for an indestructible cyborg with superhuman cycling powers. Even his teeth look real. I introduced myself "Hey Roger, I'm Kevin Buckley, I get my ass kicked regularly by you in these races.".. This is actually giving myself too much credit. To get your ass kicked by a person you have to generally be in the same race competing against this person. And while I start these races in the same field as Roger, he is typically in his street clothes and on his second pint in the beer tent by the time I cross the finish line. Anyway, Roger and I had a quick conversation and I may hire him as a coach for next year. I also want to talk to Kurt Perham who is another cycling coach that is a super strong cross racer and is top 10 in the Verge points so far this year. The plan is to continue to work my ass off and get stronger while trying not to get too discouraged by being in the bottom end of the elite masters field. Keep reminding myself that for me, in my limited amount of experience, finishing on the lead lap with these guys is a victory in itself. Oh yeah, and have as much fun as possible.

Having Fun!

It's Not the 99.99% That Concern Me...

Let's talk a bit about how to suck at something but still be pretty friggin good at it. It's really a matter of perspective. I've been getting crushed in cyclocross and it makes me feel like I suck, which when you put as much blood, sweat, and pain into something like I do, it gets frustrating and demoralizing. So lets take a closer look at what's going on. This is mostly for me so I can sort some shit out in my own mind, but you're welcome to follow along. I'm blogging it because if there's anybody else out there who's as competitive and mental as I am and is not happy with the way things are going then this might help you sort out your issues as well.

First of all, this is my second season of cyclocross racing with a year off in between. In my first year I was 40 years old and started in the "C" group, raced 3 times all top 10's or top 5's, moved into the "B" masters for cat3 and cat4 masters racers and continued to get top 10's. I was fit, strong, inexperienced, and still kicking ass. I raced a masters race in Vt and won. Small race, but still. I beat about 25 guys, some of them lower level elite masters. I upgraded to the next category and started trying to race with the elite masters at the big races. This is where it gets demoralizing. The elite masters are Cat 1, 2 and 3 but really they're mostly cat 1, 2, and 3's who never bothered to upgrade to 1 or 2. These guys have been racing since their teens and twenties when i was busy drinking myself into a coma. They've had hundreds if not thousands of races. They're national and regional champions. They're legit cyclists. There is one guy who is a cat 3 with 2 seasons of racing experience. Me. I have yet to race in my 20th cross race. So wtf am I doing there with the elite masters? I ask myself the same thing every time i get my ass destroyed in one of these races. The fact that I'm finishing on the lead lap with the elite masters with my level of experience is actually pretty remarkable. Unfortunately for my psyche, that fact doesn't make me feel any better... I could enter "B" masters races now and be in position to win every one of them but would that be satisfying to me? No, because I know there's a better field out there that I want to be competitive with.

Here's my problem. I want to be the best at everything I do. I don't just want to be the best that i can be, i also want to be better than everybody else. That's why I compete. Why would I enter a race if I didn't want to beat everybody? To me, that makes no sense. Note, I didn't say I expect to beat everybody else. I said I want to beat everybody else. I have enough common sense to know that I can't win all the time. I also have enough common sense to know that I will probably never beat Roger Aspholm or Jonny Bold in a cyclocross race for the next 10-15 years (watch out when we're racing over 65's at the National Championships though. By then I will have enough years under my belt to compete with them).

If I look at things from a different perspective I'm probably stronger than 99.99% of people who ride a bike. That's not bad is it? There's fields of Cat 4, Cat 3, "B" masters, full of people that I can crush. Hundreds of them just in this area alone. There's guys that have been riding in the elite masters fields and have been racing forever that I can beat. Those guys don't concern me. As soon as they're in my rearview mirror they're history. I don't spend a second focusing on the ones that are weaker than me. My targets are always ahead of me. I strive to be the best. And until I get there I am going to get my ass handed to me on a regular basis and I'm going to come back for more. Stronger every time.

This past weekend in Vt it was the first weekend of the Verge series. This is the biggest cross series in New England and all the top guys come out for it. The top 20 in the results are always the same guys who have been crushing fields forever. This race has current national champion Roger Aspholm and former national champion, Bold, in it. They show for all the Verge races. The two of them pass the national championship back and forth like it's a hot potato.. "Hey Roger, it's your turn this year.". And then there's me, in the staging area like a bug-eyed kid in a toy store just kind of in awe at the racers around me, feeling like i don't quite belong here (mostly because I don't). My goal is to someday enter the staging area feeling like I belong there and I know that if I continue to bust my ass and stay focused that day will come. All the punishment and embarrassing losses will pay off some day. But damn if it isn't tough sometimes to realize how far away you are from where you want to be.

The race started with the usual mad sprint for position that put me at my limit within about 5 milliseconds. Shit! I hate these guys so much..... But to be honest, I started well and I managed to stay in the top half of the pack for the first lap right into the first set of barriers, which was about 6 minutes into our 7 minute laps.. I got over the barriers and remounted the bike all screwed up, the front wheel jacknifed and I flipped over the bars landing squarely on my forehead. Dazed, I got up, climbed back on the bike and started pedaling frantically to get back in the group before they got away. Oddly, it felt wicked easy to pedal the bike, almost like there was no chain (because there wasn't).. "Hey, I'm not moving!". The damn chain came off and was wedged into the front derailleur. Took me about a minute before I could get going again. Once I was back on track things just didn't feel right. The bike, the helmet, the legs, everything. When I crashed, the internal cage of my helmet which secures the helmet to your head, ripped out of the helmet. So my helmet was just kind of floating crooked on my head, picture the three year old on his training wheels with the way-too-big-hand-me-down helmet from his 8 yr old brother... I was a mess and I wanted to quit.

The group was way gone by now. This is the moment of truth. You know your race is over, there is absolutely no way I am catching the field at this point. One lap in and I'm out of contention, not that I was going to contend for the win, but I was hoping to be somewhere in the middle of the pack when it was all over. This is incredibly demoralizing. What do I do? Call it a day? I couldn't live with myself if I quit. So I got back on my bike and went chasing. I passed one guy in fairly short order, but he was chunky so I took no pleasure in that one.. Then I passed a guy who was really fit, but he was walking his bike, so I couldn't take much pleasure in that one either. At the very least, I was not finishing last :)  In cross races you can see very large sections of the course from anywhere on the course so I could see how far behind I was from the main field, which at this point was pretty strung out. And I was so far behind. I decided that it would be a victory if I could finish the race on the lead lap without getting lapped. With the strength of the field and the difficulty of the course, this would be difficult enough without the crash. I spent 3 laps alone slowly closing the gap on some riders that were about a mile ahead of me when I started the chase. I was suffering like crazy. There was a section of the course where there was an uphill with three logs across it. The top guys rode it, the rest of us ran it with the bike on our shoulders. Every time I would come to this I wanted to collapse, my legs felt like they were loaded with concrete. It was brutal.

Isolated, in agony.

On lap 5 I finally caught one of the guys in front of me and traded places with him a few times. Then the two of us caught another guy. There were a few more racers in view. I don't know how I did it, but I managed to claw my way back into the end of the race. At this point I had one lap to go to make it to the finish line without getting lapped by the leaders. And they were getting close. It was Roger and Kevin Hines, another freak of nature, who at 48 years old can still come top 3 in the pro field at some of these races. They were coming on hard and it was going to be close for me stay out in front of them. I came to the barriers for the last time and cleared them cleanly, got back on the bike and put everything I had into getting to the finish line first. At this point I had gapped the riders I had previously caught by a wide margin. They were getting lapped, but not me. I came into the straightaway to the finish and punched it, I looked over my shoulder and I had maybe 50-70 yards on the leaders. I got across the finish line about 5 seconds ahead of Roger, who won the race. Considering I lost the race by about 7 minutes, it was actually quite an achievement to not get lapped by the guy wearing the national championship jersey, considering my crash and mechanical issues in the first lap.

Now that I look back on the race and put everything into perspective, it's not so bad. I don't really suck, I'm just in over my head and trying to get stronger so I'm less in-over-my-head next time around. It's going to be a while, but I'm not backing off. I'm staying in this field if it kills me. I wonder sometimes if I don't suffer enough. But then when I think about it, I think I probably suffer more than most of the guys that are beating me. I don't think anybody suffered more than I did on Saturday, out for 4 laps alone, trying not to get lapped by guys that are profoundly better racers and so much stronger than I am. It would be impossible to suffer more. In these races I am right at my limit from start to finish, there is no question about it. I can't look at one point in any of my races and say to myself "I could have gone harder then".. So it's not that I don't suffer enough, it's just that I'm not strong enough.. Yet....

My training for today is a trail run and a mountain bike ride.. I did the trail run this morning, I've now turned my 30 minute trail loop into a 24:33 trail loop. I was sprinting up hills gasping for air. This is what will make me stronger. I'm heading out now to tear it up on the Horse Hill trails in Merrimack for a couple hours on the 29'er. Tomorrow night there's a practice cyclocross race that I'm going to. Take it easy on Thu and Fri and then I'm heading to Gloucester for week 2 of the Verge series where I will be on my limit, suffering beyond comprehension, hoping for a finish that I can be proud of. But with the expectations I put on myself, that's a pretty tall order. Maybe I should scale back my expectations... Fuck that! This is what makes me who I am.

All the best,
kevin

A Sucker for Pain

Today was my first cyclocross race of the season, and it was my first reminder of why I love it so much even though it destroys me like nothing else I've ever done. It is so intense, difficult, painful and agonizing. But when it's all over and the dust settles it gives you an amazing feeling of accomplishment because you have to push yourself ridiculously hard from start to finish. Cyclocross is mostly off-road bike racing with some paved sections (typically at the start and finish). There are fields with chicanes and off-camber sections, there are barriers and run-ups where you need to jump off the bike, clear the obstruction or run up a steep hill (or in the case of today's race, a set of stairs) while carrying the bike and remount without missing a beat. There are fire roads through the woods, sandpits, there could be anything. There was a race yesterday at Waterville Valley where they made a snow pit made of the ice from the zamboni machine that cleans the indoor rink there. These cyclocross races are super challenging, require power for the straightaways and technical ability for all the obstacles, and they require a massive internal engine. The elite masters races are 45 minutes of full gas, lung-busting enjoyment.. haha.. I'm sitting here writing this and my body is buzzing from the effort, I'm still unable to take a full breath without a wheeze or a coughing fit. To talk to me right now you wouldn't know if I just spent 45 minutes destroying myself on a cross track at 100% max heart rate or chain smoking Lucky Strikes.

Today's race was Sucker Brook Cross in Auburn, NH.. With sunny skies and temps in the 70's, it was an incredible day for a hike or for apple picking, not so great for a cross race. There's a reason that the cyclocross season runs into December and that's because temps in the 20's aren't really that uncomfortable when you're working this hard. I knew today would be a killer from the time I arrived at the registration table to get my number. A guy comes up beside me and asks one of the race workers if it was OK if he switched from the Pro-1-2-3 field to the 35+ Master's 1-2-3 field. It was Jonny Bold, who is one of the top 10 masters racers in the country. So there's 1st place, but more importantly, the pace of the race just went from wicked fast to G-force. On a side note, if you could pick a racing name for yourself, Jonny Bold would have to be in your top 5. It's only right that he kicks the shit out of pretty much every elite masters and elite open field that he races against. With a name like Kevin Buckley, I'm very much a middle of the pack kind of racer. Need to think of a new racing name. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

In the staging area everybody was crowding looking for a good starting position in hopes of getting a hole shot when the gun went off. Getting out front at the beginning of a cross race is huge because it's much better to be in with the lead group from the start rather than having to spend extra effort getting around people trying to claw your way to the front. When the whistle blew it was a mad sprint for position. We took the first corner about 12 across and then sprinted into the next corner where a couple riders got tangled up and went down. I got in around that and had an OK position, somewhere in the middle of the field. There are so many twists and turns in these races and the ability to accelerate hard out of the corners for the duration of the race are pivotal in finishing well. My bike handling was really good today, no crashes or wipeouts in any of the hairpin turns. I was red-lined about halfway through the first lap. This isn't unusual. That's what cyclocross is. Maximum effort for 45 minutes. You go red and you stay there. Your body and mind mess with you big time during these races. I went through various points in time where I wanted to quit, cry or puke. But I didn't do any of those things. I kept hammering as hard as I possibly could. During laps 1 through 3 I'm passing some and getting passed by others. The field is pretty strung out from about the end of the first lap on. The pace was frenetic. I settled in with a group of about 5 or 6 other guys where we kept exchanging positions for a while. The course was incredibly dusty from the high heat and hard pack conditions, especially on the dirt fire road. You can't carry water during these races (there's never a chance to drink it) and the dust was making the lack of it even more noticeable.

A few laps in you start to wonder how many laps you'll be doing since you never know at the start. The race lasts 45 minutes and they decide how many laps you'll do based on the time of the first couple laps. As you cross the finish line they show a lap card that tells you how many laps to go. At the end of the third lap, suffering at an extremely high level, I was begging for a "3" to be shown. I knew it wouldn't be less than that and praying that it wouldn't be more. There was no card. Next time around, I'm hoping for a 2, I got a 3.. This is the part where you kind of want to cry. "3 more laps of this is going to kill me", I thought. It's amazing that more people don't drop dead of heart attacks at these races, it is absolutely shocking how high and for how long your heart rate stays elevated. I've worn my HRM at these races before and I am pretty much fixed 95-100% max for the duration. These efforts test just how deep you can dig. My competitiveness, intensity, and desire keeps me pushing. My fitness level allows me to.

In the last couple laps I found that I was racing in with a few guys that I was always at about the same level with a couple years ago when I last raced cross.. I had to take last year off when I was getting the gym going and I was wondering how I would do against these same guys with my extended layoff.. We rode together through the 5th and 6th laps and when we hit the last lap I rode them off my wheel. It was a pretty good feeling to look over my shoulder and see the gap expanding. There was still a group of about 3 or 4 riders that were still on my wheel though, and I knew they wanted nothing more than to pass me. That's the thing about these races. Every position is fought for as if it's 1st place. The sprint finishes for 25th are fought just as hard as the sprints for 1st. This was no different. As we came out of the sandpit I had to put everything I had left into it to keep these three from passing me. It was a mad dash for the end and I ended up holding them off for 27th place.. Haha.. 27th.. How crazy is that? I actually fought for 27th as if it was a fight to the death.. The three that I beat for 27th each came up behind me and patted me on the back and said "great job!" as if I won.

So here I sit with my victorious 27th place finish and a pair of bleeding lungs that won't take a normal breath until Tuesday. I came across 3:30 behind Jonny Bold.. To be 3:30 behind one of the top handful of guys in the country is not too bad. The 35+ elite masters is a vicious field and I'm pretty happy with my first effort back after a very long layoff. I feel I have nowhere to go but up a this point. Next weekend is a really big race weekend in Vermont, first weekend of the Verge series which always gets the top racers around. It will be another excruciating weekend, but I'd have it no other way.

It's Contagious!

A couple weeks ago my buddy George turned 50 years old. George has been one of my best friends for about 15 years now since we started coaching our kids together when they were in the U10's. Over the years we've cycled, skied, coached and partied together.. When I started Dynamic Strength and Conditioning with some outdoor workouts at a local park, George was the first guy to join the group of women that were working out with me. He quickly got addicted to the full body functional conditioning like everybody else. The energy, the mobility, the strength and endurance, his back pains started going away. This is always the most rewarding part of what I do, being a part of the life changing enhancements people realize when they start to really get in shape while training with me. It's like nothing they've ever experienced in their lives. It's addictive, and it's contagious.

Anyways, to commemorate his 50th birthday George decided he wanted to ride a century. My immediate response was "I'm in!"... A 100 mile bike ride is one of those things that most people will never do. When you tell most people you're going to ride your bike 100 miles the usual response is a mixture of shock, awe, and horror. A 100 mile ride is a great test of the body and mind. The challenge to the body is obvious. Riding 100 miles is a hell of a long way. I don't like being in a car for 100 miles never mind on a bicycle seat (as anatomically forgiving as the latest, greatest saddles are, 100 miles on them is still a literal pain in the ass). The challenge to the mind is great as well. It's tough to be 2 hours into a ride and realize you're not even halfway there. With legs burning and lower back whimpering at 70 miles you know there's another 90 minutes, give or take, until you're done. Your brain gets really pissed off at you over the course of the ride. The last 15 miles or so are pretty euphoric though because you know how far you've come and you know how little you have left to go. For most people, their first century is an epic experience that they will never forget. I used to go on group centuries years ago and you could always tell the first timers. They would have 16 energy gels taped to their top tube and pockets bulging with peanut butter sandwiches and bags of trail mix. They'd be carrying about 10,000 calories with them. The only thing missing would be the backpacking stove and the dehydrated meals. George asked me what to bring.. I told him a few energy gels and about $20 :)

George picked a route that went from Newburyport to Ogunquit, the whole route was right up the coast. We headed out at about 7:30. There was nobody on the roads or on the beaches. The sun had just risen about an hour ago and the ocean was absolutely gorgeous. We were cranking along at an average pace of about 20mph which I wasn't sure was too wise considering it was George's first ever century and I didn't want him to blow up early, but he was riding really strong and we just kept it going. We stopped in Portsmouth about 30 miles into the ride and refueled with double espressos. What a cool town Portsmouth is. The first thing that pops out at me is how badly they need a functional conditioning gym :) Hmmmm...... Sufficiently wired we headed back to the ocean and continued up the coast.. Through Rye, Kittery, York, and Ogunquit, each town kind of similar to the last. You get to the beach district of each town and there are art galleries, fried clam shops, Life is Good stores (someday to be replaced by Tragically Fit stores) and lots of people who are really out of shape that throw dissaproving looks at me because my efforts at staying in shape are blocking their path to the ice cream shop. I've found that there are two kinds of people in the world.. People that like to see stuff and people that like to do stuff.. Those of us who do stuff are almost always looked down upon by those who would rather see things. We're a constant reminder to them of how badly they need to get off their asses and do stuff instead of treating life like it's a spectator event.

So George and I pedaled another 40 miles in between our first stop in Portsmouth and our second stop in Portsmouth on the way back.. 70 miles in and it was time for lunch.. Actually, it was time for lunch about 10 or 15 miles ago but we continued on through the hunger, on the verge of a bonk, just getting by on energy gel and water.. We were both kind of suffering between 60 and 70 miles because we really could have used real calories, having burned over 3000 calories at this point in the ride. My HRM said I had burned about 4500 at this point but I don't believe it.. I think it was more reasonable that I was burning less than 800 an hour and we were about 4 hours into the ride, which I have to say, was a much quicker pace than I had originally expected us to be able to keep on such a long ride. George was really kicking ass!

Properly refueled we headed back to Newburyport with the "heavy legs" you get after 70 miles followed by a 30 minute break where you ate a sandwich the size of a baby cow and some really good potato salad.. (Note to self... Never, EVER, eat potato salad again during a break in a long bike ride!).. At about mile 90 we had our first run in with a redneck. Amazing it took this long really.. We were coming through the Hampton area where it's two lanes in one direction.. There was nobody in the second lane and George and I were riding side by side. There was plenty of room to get around us considering there were two lanes to get by, and I was barely even into the first lane. So the angry beeping starts, followed by a pick up truck (why is it always a pick up truck?) that went by me about 12 inches off my handlebars, followed by an exchange of angry fingers, followed by me gesticulating wildly for the dickhead to pullover so I could kick his ass while wearing spandex (it's a dream of mine to kick the shit out of a redneck trucker while wearing spandex.. don't ask me why, it must be the napolean complex most of us short guys are born with).. So the guy keeps going and George and I go back into our conversation as if nothing ever happened. The last 10 miles George started cramping up a little but we were still maintaining a really good pace. Just keep the pedals turning, turning, turning, at this point. We're almost there. We got back to Riverside Cycles in Newburyport with 101 miles completed in about 5hrs 20 mins.. If you consider the times that we were tooling along the beach areas and downtown Portsmouth looking for a food stop, our average riding pace for the 101 miles was close to 19MPH! George didn't just complete his first century, he crushed it. And it showed when we got back to the bike shop. The guy was glowing, walking on a cloud. It was a major achievement at any age, never mind just having turned 50...

And that's why we do what we do at Dynamic Strength and Conditioning, so we can get the looks of shock, awe, and horror when we tell them we just rode our bikes 100 miles. So we can go out on any given day and run for an hour in the woods. So we can pick up a football and throw it 25 yards across the backyard without our arm still being attached to it. I could have rode my bike 200 miles that day, not kidding. In just the past week, we've had a couple gym members hike Mt Washington in less than 2.5 hours, we had three others compete in triathlons, we have 4 members running their first 10k this Sunday. Michele is running a 50mile ultramarathon in Vt next weekend. Marc is top 4 in the country in his drag racing series. Steve is a New England Champion track cyclist. Several of our members are active in adult soccer leagues. We have pro MMA fighters and martial artists. I have about 16 cyclocross races planned over the next 3 months. We have a woman playing rugby at the highest level for women in the country. About 6 members have picked up mountain biking in the last couple months. One of our trainers is planning a 100 mile ultramarathon next year, another is going for a PR at Boston in April. George has his sights set on PRs at both the Allen Clark Hillclimb (a TT up the App Gap in Vt) and the General Stark Mt run. The list is endless. This is the major difference between us and the legion of the chrome and fern. Probably less than 20% of them have any real world activities. They run on hamster wheels, strap into machines, and lift weights. They walk around the real world and see things. They don't have real world activities because their training isn't conducive to real world activities. We train as a means of making our activities in the real world more enjoyable. We want to live life to the fullest and that requires true functional strength and conditioning. Close to 100% of the people at Dynamic are active in the real world, they're picking up new activities, creating new goals, setting new PRs, and enjoying every damn minute of it!

All the best,

kevin

A Guaranteed Return on Investment

There are two investments that you can make in life with guaranteed returns. A 100% guarantee to pay off. Both investments have a 100% success rate, but in opposite directions.. Both of these investments are investments in yourself. The first is a commitment to inadequate exercise and unhealthy habits. The guaranteed return on this is that you will be fat, out of shape, sick and weak.. Hmmm, sounds appealing, no? The second investment in yourself is to get adequate exercise, eat healthy, and make the right choices. This has a guaranteed return of higher energy levels, a stronger, leaner body, and great state of mind.. If I offered you the option of either investment which would you choose? Would it make any sense to choose the first option? Of course not. So why, when we walk around town, through airports, shopping malls, or beaches, are we surrounded by thundering herds of severely deconditioned people who have obviously chosen the first investment? I wish I knew the answer, but I have a couple guesses... And this may seem like a bit of a rant, probably because it is....

First, it's easy to be fat and weak. Too easy. It's easy to buy nutritionless foods in the supermarkets and eat out at places that load their "healthy" meal choices with butter and cream sauces. It's easy to skip the workout because there's a TV show or game that you wanted to watch, or because you wanted to grab a beer with co-workers. We live in a society of luxuries based on instant gratification with a short-sighted approach to living. The attitude is that if you wake up on the right side of the dirt then you must be doing something right. Even if you don't feel great. Eventually this catches up to a person and they will go from not feeling great to feeling awful. Self-esteem plummets, depression sets in, they feel like shit all the time. Sickness and disease follow. If you're reading this thinking I'm trying to use scare tactics on you you're wrong. This is how it works in the real world. How many funerals have you gone to where they're burying somebody who should have been able to live a lot longer and the talk always revolves around "this wouldn't have happened if they only.........."? And then you're driving home making a new commitment to taking care of yourself so the same thing doesn't happen to you, only to have that commitment fade within a few days. I'm not using scare tactics, I'm speaking from experience.

There's lots of excuses out there too. This is because it's actually hard work to get in shape and stay in shape. The rewards are outstanding, but it's hard work to get there. Like anything in life, you get out of it what you put into it.. If you don't like to work hard for the results you want, then you better get comfortable in your jeans with the 40 inch waist. And enough about how the economy sucks and it's so expensive to get in shape. Edmunds.com reports that the average car payment in the US is $479 a month with a 5 yr term. The average credit card debt that people carry is $10,600. There's lots of choices what to do with your money out there, and most people choose to invest it in things that don't necessarily help to keep them in shape. Is it more important to drive a $30,000 car and get a new one every three years, or would it make more sense to drive a car into the ground (they can last up to 15-20 years you know) and spend the money you would save on car payments on training to get in ridiculous shape with an expert trainer? What says more about you, the body of the car you drive or your own body? Exercising is free. Motivation is free. If you don't know the right way to exercise or can't provide the motivation on your own then you have to pay a professional to get you there. This is a financial investment that will be the best financial investment you ever make if you pick the right professional. The World Health Organization recently finished a study proving that every $1 invested in physical activity yields reduced medical expenses of $3.20 over time. That's a 320% return on your money. That's just the financial part of it. You can't put a price on the feeling you get from the energy levels, the increased self-esteem, and the strength and overall well-being you achieve. Being fat and weak is not a condition, it's a choice. If being fat and weak is more important to you than being strong and lean, then admit it and don't make excuses as to why you can't start a program to get in shape.

Learned habits are tough to break. There are 25 million obese children in America. 25 Million!!! That is insanity. Who's fault is it? The child? These kids are going to grow up obese thinking that video games, lack of exercise and eating Ding Dongs is a way of life.. What do you think their kids are going to be like? I work with people on their nutrition at the gym. I've had people get phenomenal weight loss and fat loss results when they work with me. Some have asked me what would I recommend for "kid friendly" meals for their kids.. Let's see, how about lean meats, fish, vegetables and fruits? When you buy baby foods from Gerber, you get bananas, peas, beans, carrots, squash, applesauce, etc... So why when they're old enough for solid foods do people start loading them up with sugary cereals, pop tarts, and hot dogs. Why do people feed shit to their kids that they wouldn't eat themselves? Is that what "kid friendly" means? If your kid is obese it's your fault, not theirs.

OK, enough of the rant... I feel a little better now. It's just frustrating to me when I know how important being in shape and feeling great is to so many people but then they don't want to do what it takes to get there or they make up excuses. I've put together a phenomenal 3 month training program that starts on October 5th. Anybody who is involved in this program and makes a commitment to it by showing up at least 3x a week, and complements it with healthy eating habits and an active weekend, (getting up to go to the fridge and bathroom during commercial breaks in the football games does not qualify as "active"), is guaranteed to get phenomenal results. Increased energy. Fat loss. Increased strength and endurance. Better self-esteem. On the "Quality of Life" index, you will make great gains. If this doesn't fit your schedule, then talk to me about semi-private training on a schedule that meets yours. As great as the results are in my group training programs, my semi-private clients get even better results because I customize a program specifically for them and they get more attention than they would in a bigger group. More attention typically yields more motivation which yields higher effort which yields better results. Yes, it's more money, but it's less than an average car payment. Again, decide what's important to you and don't make excuses. If coming to the gym is too far out of the way for you then I can provide a personal training program for you to do on your own. It includes fitness assessments and a customized program that you can do on your own with minimal equipment on your own time. You also get unlimited access to me and I will hold you accountable to the program. If it wasn't that way then it would be a waste of your money and a waste of my time. Neither of which makes any sense.

I have an investment opportunity for you that is 100% guaranteed to pay off. The choice is yours whether to take advantage of it or not.

All the best,

kevin