AHHHHHH! Run and Hide! It's R2D2!

Or C3PO.... No, wait a minute. It's H1N1. That's right, the swine flu.. You'll have to forgive me in advance for any typos. I'm typing this wearing the big rubber gloves that provide me access to my laptop which I inadvertently left on the outside of my plastic bubble that I'm living in for the next xouple weeks (oops, there's a typo) until this pandemic is over. Can you believe how many people have already caught this nasty cold? It's up to like 350 now.. And that's out of 300 Million people in our country! That's roughly 1 in a million. Scary, I know. When I heard that, I wasn't sure what to do first; go fill up the gas tanks in the cars, generators, mowers, and chainsaws or head to the market to buy 10 gallons of milk and 20 loaves of Wonder bread. I was so glad today to hear that the president of my daughter's soccer league declared that all kids were not allowed to partake in the post-game handshake (not a joke). "....the players may line up at the end of the game and congratulate each other without physical contact...". As coach of the team it was a struggle for me to communicate with the team from my golf cart enclosed in Saran Wrap. They also had a lot of difficulty hearing me through my gas mask. One of the girls said I sounded like the teacher on Charlie Brown.

You might think this is written as a joke, well it's not. I've already deleted all cell numbers from my cell phone and email addresses from my address book of any people who I know that have come into contact with, are friends with, or are.. swine.. In fact, I've gone so far as to throw out my daughter's Charlotte's Web DVD because I don't trust the pig in that either. 

Thankfully the media isn't blowing this thing out of proportion to sell advertising, magazines, newspapers and get people to watch their overpaid talking heads blather on about it during a couple slow news weeks. Also, we're lucky the medical industry isn't playing into the fear of the population so they can sell more prescriptions and get more people to spend co-pays for unnecessary visits to the doctor when their kid sneezes or coughs. (couldn't be allergies at this time of year, could it?).. Headlines like this "Swine Flu Deaths Ebb, But Could Come Back Strong." are informative, not sensational.

OK, let's see. 1 in a million have r2d2, i mean h1n1.. I have a 200x better chance of being struck by lightning in my lifetime (if i don't get killed by swine flu first, of course). I have a 50x better chance of being murdered. I have a 5000x better chance of writing a NY Times bestseller. I have a 150x better chance of getting hurt in a shaving accident. It's true, they have odds for all these things. Of course, since I forgot my razor and shaving cream on the outside of my bubble, my chances of getting injured shaving have been reduced drastically.

Did you know that in soccer games across the country today there will be about 100,000 sprained ankles? How is it even possible that CNN, MSNBC, and FOX News aren't all over this?

Be safe, everybody. It's a crazy world out there.

kevin